Friday, October 29, 2010

DR. SINGER'S NEW ONLINE CLASSES FOR PARENTS

The fast way to better behavior, focus and homework for kids from the comfort of your own home!

Looking forward to seeing y'all at my first online class for parents on Tuesday, November 9th at 7 PM to 7:45 PM. 

Link here to see details

My website

Friday, October 22, 2010

THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO MAKE TANTRUMS GO AWAY!


Hi Dr. Singer,

Our 7 year old daughter has tantrums like you cannot believe. She looks possessed. We have had her medically evaluated and nothing shows up. Our pediatrician suggests that she is spoiled, but we aren’t sure. During the tantrum, we have tried to talk to her each time about what is bothering her and we sit with her for up to a half hour trying to reason with her afterwards and it just happens the same way again the next day. We don’t know what to do. Can you help us? L.L.

Dear L.L.,

Just from your presentation of the problem to me, I can tell why this is continuing. It’s also the reason that I believe, causes most bad behavior patterns to continue forever. It’s in the talking part. Giving that much positive attention and time to a child who is acting that way will not only continue the behavior, but if done long enough, will make it permanent.

There are a lot of professionals out there who believe that you must reason with and talk to a child during horrible behavior. I’ve seen it done in homes and schools again and again. People somehow believe that the child will willingly give up their power abusing behavior if they just say the right words. That is very wrong. If you look at what the cause and purpose of a tantrum really are, it begins to become very clear why talking will never work. The cause of a tantrum is rarely biological and is rarely about true deep emotions that need talking about. At a young age, true deep emotions are not usually the case. Usually, the tantrum begins because, plain and simple, the child has not gotten what he or she wants. Guess what? It’s a fact of life that children are self-centered. They are supposed to be. It’s also a fact of life that none of us always get what we want and usually, rarely do we get what we want. We need to learn that lesson young so that we don’t go through life beating people up to get what we want. If you think these tantrums randomly just stop at some age, think again. I’ve met plenty of adults capable of full blown tantrums because no one ever taught them differently as children. If we learn young that we get a ton of attention and a personal audience from being obnoxious in our attempts to get what we want, we have gotten the goal and will continue to do the same thing over and over again.

The purpose of a tantrum is very simple. It is to scare everyone around you into believing that you are more powerful than they are. Sometimes, looking at some of the kids I’ve seen do this, it’s very believable that they are more powerful. When a child shrieks and a parent backs down, who is the more powerful one? Now, you might ask why I bring up power. Isn’t power a bad thing to have over a child? Well, when it is abused, power is bad for anyone, but when a parent is using power appropriately to be in a position above the child to insure that behavior is appropriate, and good lessons and habits are learned, parental power is not only good, but necessary to the child’s survival. If the child believes that he or she is in a more powerful or higher position in the family than the parent, you have big trouble that lasts and lasts and lasts. Later that same behavior pattern will kill jobs, relationships, friendships and lots of chances for success in life. In our present society, many of us give our kids way too much power, way too young.

The best thing to do is to let the child just scream it out in a safe place or provide appropriate consequences* for the tantrum. This is if the child is not being physically dangerous to himself, herself or others. In that case, you need to learn to get that dangerous behavior under control as soon as possible. I can train you in that if you need. I have successfully worked with many parents to help their physically acting out child. If the tantrums are not dangerous and are just about screaming and stomping, eventually, the child will wear out on it, if no one gives in. Eventually, it hurts the throat to scream. It becomes exhausting. When the tantrum becomes more work than profit, guess what happens? It goes away because it isn’t successful anymore. This is just human nature. We continue to do what works and we stop what doesn’t. The problem usually happens when parents ignore it one time and then give in the next.

If parents cannot stand to sit and let the child get through the tantrum and they do something or offer something to the child to stop. This makes future tantrums stronger and longer. It happens in about 99% of all households in this country. So, don’t feel alone.

Most parents give in because they feel they are somehow damaging their child by not paying attention to the feelings. This is just not correct. If you coddle a child who is having a tantrum, you are reinforcing the bad behavior. If you wait until the child gets himself or herself under control and then talk about what happened, and connect the child's behavior to the problem, you are going to have more attention from the child about the talk and you will not be reinforcing bad behavior. Rather, you will be creating responsibility for actions. You can also ask the child what might be a better way to handle it and get what he or she needs.

Of course, if the child "ups the ante and becomes destructive to get your attention, you need to react. Reacting should be specific and directed though. Again, I can teach you what to do.

For those of you who would say this is just a stage or phase the child will naturally grow out of, don’t count on it. Kids definitely go through stages and phases, but the important thing is what the child learns from that stage. If we respond incorrectly to the behavior in the stage now, the behavior grows to bigger levels later. Can I tell you about how many families I have seen who don’t take it on because they say it is just a stage and the child will "grow" out of it and then 2 years later, they are calling back with 20 more "knots in the kid’s rope" and a much harder road to travel. Teach your kids the right way out of the stage and everyone’s life is more peaceful for it.

You need to get this under control now, while she is young enough to turn it back. It’s really very simple to do, but the first step starts with deciding to do it. Do not be embarrassed about it. Like I said, all families deal with this. Go to the grocery store sometime just to watch and see for yourself, how many bags of cookies are bought in the name of appeasement! If you decide to fix this with me, call again. I look forward to hearing from you.

Note: Even when tantrums are not dangerous, watch from a distance to make sure they don’t get dangerous. Sometimes, when you stop paying attention, the child will want to "up the ante" some and you need to be there to stop that. Do not hover. Just watch from a close distance and be ready to act, especially if your child is a teenager who can walk out the door. If you feel you or your child are in any danger, do not ever hesitate to call in professional assistance in the form of 911 or other emergency services like an emergency room.

*I have been referred to as "The Queen of Creative Consequences" many a time. Even when you think that there is nothing that might get in the way of your child’s bad behavior, come talk to me. I’ll show you that there is always something appropriate and creative to make that bad behavior go away!

Dr. Sherri Singer is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Childhood Behavior and Attention Specialist. She regularly works in person with many of her readers, helping them to improve their kid’s behavior, attention and processing skills. Dr. Singer’s very powerful "Tic Mark System of Behavior Improvement in Kids" has promoted fast behavior change both at home and school with very little work from parents and teachers. For an appointment from the comfort of your own home for far less, go to drsher.weebly.com and click at the bottom of any page or call (224) 548-7269.



Wednesday, October 20, 2010

HELPING KIDS HAVE FASTER PROCESSING SPEED CAN GREATLY IMPROVE ADHD SYMPTOMS

Hi Dr. Singer,

Our son has trouble in school with anything that requires multiple steps like Math. He seems to get lost in the steps and then when he loses track, he goes off task and becomes distractible. Teachers have said he has ADD, but we don’t believe that this is a syndrome based thing. Do you think that getting lost in the steps means ADD or can it be something else? F.P.

Hi F.P.,

It sounds like your child may be suffering from a processing speed problem. I say that because I have seen so many kids who have trouble with things like Math and other multi-step school work. If processing speed is not as fast as it could be, kids do get lost while going through all the steps, don’t remember where they have been and like any human being would, when they feel that kind of stress, they self distract and go off task. When I have fixed the processing speed in the past by working with the child on specialized processing speed exercises, those symptoms went away.

I believe that kids have RAM or Random Access Memory of sorts, just like a computer does and it can be upgraded just like a computer. Of course, we would not be opening up the child’s head and adding to the motherboard, but in the same way, helping the child to practice being faster in a specific way goes a long way toward getting rid of those off-task behaviors. Helping a child be faster isn’t hard. It just takes the right kid of practice.

Unfortunately, many people confuse intelligence level with processing. I have seen many kids with IQ’s that were off the charts like 142, who also had one or two processing areas that needed lifting. I say unfortunately, because some of those kids struggle intensely to get as many successes as they get and it could be easier and less stressful if those couple processing areas were just practiced the right way. Those kids have huge strengths and some small weaknesses. They lean on their strengths all their lives and are very hard workers so they do very well. Sometimes, though if there are some weaknesses there too, the stress level they deal with to get the work done might be more than it needs to be and/or the amount of time it takes them to get work done might be longer than it needs to be.

It gets worse when they feel bad about themselves because of this or if someone tells them they are lazy or not trying hard enough. The fact is, they are. It isn’t about smarts. It’s about coordinating the smarts.

I don’t mean to oversimplify here. Processing speed is the first thing that jumps out at me when I hear your question, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t other parts to this. For example, there can be behavioral habits that operate as defense mechanisms. These can hold the child back from success just as much as processing speed problems. If those exist together, it is even harder on the child.

The grand outcome to all of this is to try and make the child’s life work the best as it can with the least possible stress and work and the greatest possible outcome. Calling something ADD and then going down that road does nothing to build any skills or make anything work better for the child. Even if the off-task behavior “goes away” the underlying inability to take on work that needs speed to hold onto all the steps will not get better with ADD treatment until the child is actually trained to be faster.

Dr. Sherri Singer is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Childhood Attention, Behavior and Learning Specialist. She regularly works in person with her readers, helping them to significantly improve their kid’s attention, behavior, processing skills and self-esteem. Dr. Singer’s program has promoted dramatically fast behavior, attention, learning and homework speed change both at home and school. To learn how to change your child’s life for the better, please go to drsher.weebly.com to get started or call (224) 548-7269.
I would love to hear about your stories and comments!



 

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

THE SIMPLE, SWEET PLEASURES OF BEING A CHILD!




Hi folks!

I wish I could take credit for what you are about to read, but I can’t. My husband pulled this off of the Internet and thought it was really cute. I agree and want to share it with you. I would like to give credit to the writer, however, there was no name attached to it. So, to whomever wrote this, credit is due! Enjoy…

My Resignation!

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think it’s a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think that M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care! All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think that the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month that there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So…here’s my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause, Tag!… You’re it!

If we really want to, it is possible for each and every one of us to appreciate these kinds of things as adults. We may not be able to go back completely, but if we take time out to have the right focus, we can have those simple pleasures again.

Dr. Singer is a Psychologist who regularly works in person with her readers improving kid’s attention, behavior, processing and learning skills fast. She has been an ADD Coach to many kids on meds and has also trained the skills of many other diagnosed and labeled kids who are not on medication to take them to attention, behavior and learning heights their parents never dreamed they were capable of. For an appointment for fast behavior, attention and homework change for the lowest fees everclick here for my website: drsher.weebly.com or call 224-548-7269.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Hugs


Hugs from your kids are the best kind! They bond you! They energize you! They cement your relationship!

2 weeks of feeling like I am doing a disseratation again! I have dropped my real world office and started to put my Cyber office together so I can see people live, face to face, online for much less than anywhere else and from home, anywhere in the English speaking world. While it is one of the coolest professional things I have ever done and very Star Trek like, I miss my kids! They are here, but I am joined with my computer for a bit! I make it a requirement of working, to make sure I get to hug my 3 sweeties several times an hour and as often as possible. What a great feeling to get that wonderful hug and bonding moment. Ok it's not as much as usual right now, but things will go back to normal soon, once things are up and running! The hugs keep me going!

I have had lots of people come in to my office over the years asking me for help with their child's behavior. "It's out of control" they tell me. "The child runs our house" they tell me. From what they are describing, they are right. It is out of control and the worst part about it is the child feels worse than anyone else. Where the parents are wrong is in what they think they want to learn from me. They ask me for ways to punish the behavior. I tell them that while good boundaries are necessary, there is much more to it. I have talked to parents on a daily basis about the serious need for a good foundation relationship between them and their child to get good behavior and cooperation. There needs to be a bond there-a strong one. A lot of people will tell me how hard it is when their child is acting possessed and like a nasty brat, to show love or to bond. I surprise them by saying that when they are the most unlovable, that is when they need the most love. Now, don't get me wrong. I am known, with my clients, as someone who gets immediate behavior change and they have called me the "queen of creative consequences"! I am not for a second saying that there should be no discipline or that you should allow your kids to be obnoxious. People find it amazing when I tell them that love, bonding and good boundaries should co-exist in every home. If you have all 3 of those at the same time, you have the best of all worlds to get good cooperation and behavior. Where the problems come in is when bad behavior is ignored in the name of love or when there is no basic love and all limits. . When I say love, I mean massive in love! Your kids need to see that they are the greatest part of your life reflected in your eyes at them.

The great news is that even for parents who feel like for whatever reason they missed out on that initial bonding and it is hurting their relationship with their child, it's not too late. I teach parents every day how to do the things that will bond them with their kids. It is my favorite part of what I do!

The basis of your child's self esteem comes from you so make sure you grow it daily!

My website

Friday, September 24, 2010

IF GOD HAD TROUBLE RAISING CHILDREN, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT WOULD BE A PIECE OF CAKE FOR YOU?




Dear readers,

We all love our kids, but sometimes they can be frustrating. Laughter can be the best medicine. A friend of mine just sent this to me online and I almost split my sides laughing! The author was not listed, so to the author of this wonderful piece…thank you for the laughter!

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve…we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

4. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

5. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN…….

(Dr. Singer says......) but only for a little while, because if you are like me, they replenish your soul and spirit with their youth and sweetness!!!!!!

Dr. Singer is a Psychologist and Child Attention, Behavior, Processing & Learning Specialist who regularly works in person with her readers, improving kid’s attention, behavior, processing and learning skills fast without medication. She has been an ADD Coach to many kids on meds and has also trained the skills of many other labeled kids who are not on medication to take them to attention, behavior and learning heights their parents never dreamed they were capable of. Be sure to check out Dr. Singer’s new online attention/behavior/processing training that is the lowest cost, most accessible form of help out there today. Can be done from anywhere in the world via online or phone. For an appointment call (224) 548-7269 or  click the following website links: drsher.weebly.com.
You can also email at kiddoc1234@yahoo.com.


Monday, September 20, 2010

Dr. Singer's Happy Family Daily Checklist: a Prescription for Health and Happiness

Hi everyone,

I am often amazed at how lifestyle issues can create attention, behavior, processing and learning symptoms. Our society is trained to run for the drugs when we have a problem. Sometimes it can be as easy as changing daily habits in your everyday life. In my work with kids and families, I have personally seen these things help a lot!

1.) Get some sun on your skin. If it isn't around, like us lucky midwesterners experience every winter, check with your doc about your vitamin d level as well as your kids. There is a huge body of evidence out there that says that vitamin d deficiency contributes to all kinds of problems including depression and attention problems. I've heard it said that we are more cavemen than the cavemen were. We wake up, drive to work or school, go inside and work, come home and get in front of our TV or computer and then go to sleep. Those that do go outside usually bathe in so much sunscreen that they are cocooned. Is it any wonder that illness is going up including autoimmune illness. I find it so interesting that people who live closer to the equator and in sunny climates, have much less incidence of these illnesses and generally feel happier. Those of us who live in the Midwest and lose the sun for much of the year need to either supplement or find other options. Ok..... most people would find me nuts, except for my dermatologist who tells me I am doing things exactly right (isn't it great when someone tells you that you're doing the right thing). I wait until between 2-3 PM in Summer and Fall and then we go out with at least legs and arms exposed to get our D's without sunscreen. This way we miss the strongest sun, but get the benefits of the rays too! If you want a somewhat different way of getting sun rays in the winter, check out Dr. Joseph Mercola's site and look up stand up tanning systems.

2.) Exercise.  They say the difference between life and death is exercise. We have become a computer and gaming driven society. Instead of meeting at the park, kids chat online. Instead of going outside to get sun, they look into the light of a computer screen, while sitting still in a chair. All of us do it. Adults usually work from computer and of course, in this economy, we are spending more time doing that, either working harder than normal or trying to find something to do for work. At my docs office, I heard something that I thought was really smart. For every hour, 20 minutes should be sitting, 20 minutes looking away from the computer and 20 minutes moving. I know it doesn't sound like good productivity, but sometimes, we need to think longevity. Exercise helps promote Serotonin levels which helps sleep. It also increases the "happy" brain chemicals that fight depression. Ultimately this makes for better productivity! Defining exercise is an interesting thing. A lot of people think it's about beating yourself up and being breathless in a gym. Brisk walking 30-45 minutes 3-4 times a week is good too! Just get moving!

3.) Smile and laugh frequently! Smiling and laughing is good for the heart, soul and spirit. It bonds you with others. It makes you feel good, even if things are bad. Belly laughing actually works your muscles out (you can't cheat though and call this your exercise for the day). Have you ever had a moment with someone where you were laughing so hard you couldn't catch your breath? That is the most wonderful feeling and is so good for you. We are creatures of habit. We are what we do repetitively! So if we frown repetitively or look down all the time, that is what we feel all the time. If we smile and laugh repetitively, we will feel better no matter what is around us. I have found that I am more creative and find ways to make things work when I am in a happy mood, than the other way! So, smile and laugh as often as you can!

4.) Look at the gifts around you! Ok, we are in very hard times. The future looks bleak, if you listen to the "talking heads". It's almost heart stopping. So it is more important for us to look at the gifts we have around us in our life. We all have them, even in bad moments. My gifts are my husband and children! The time we spend together is priceless. Even when I am on my computer doing work for long periods of time, I can look at them or hug them and it is rejuvenating. You must focus on your gifts! It will get you through.

5.) Openly love your children and tell them how much they mean to you at least once a day. They need to know this. We can sometimes get so wrapped up in work and struggle that our kids normal behaviors can set us off. Especially now, with the economy like it is. When you are feeling the most frustrated, it is time to take a deep breath, focus on the sweetness of your kids (even if they aren't being sweet at the moment-if you have to.... remember them from the past), sit down with them and tell them how much they mean to you. Not only will this do a lot to cement your relationship, but I found over 24 years of working with kids with behavior problems, the ones who feel open and overt love from parents often, want to do the right things more for their parents.

6.) Eat right. This seems like a no brainer, but it is tough. There are so many bad things in processed foods and the name of the game these days is processed and fast. You have to start reading labels and try your best to go with foods that have only a few natural ingredients. Mike Huckabee once said that "if it wasn't a food 100 years ago, it isn't one now". I totally agree with that philosophy. You should avoid the biggies like partially hydrogenated oil and high fructose corn syrup. Think about it logically...the first one is there to preserve the food forever on the shelf. Think about the potential of what that does to your body. The second one is sugar. Sugar has been implicated in inflammation in many articles. Inflammation leads to disease, cognitive impairment, pain, emotional upset and sleep disorders. In fact, many of the people who have come to me for behavior and attention help have found that after following my diet, exercise, happiness guidelines, that much of their symptoms disappear and then the rest we take care of with my program. This is why my work with people tends to be permanent. If they follow the advice, they are not just changing behavior or skills. They are changing life habits which has far more lasting benefits.
7.) Sleep right. Bar none, I believe this is the absolute reason for most problems that people face. Sleep deprivation. I saw a study once that just floored me. They took a 19 year old healthy boy, put him in a sleep lab, hooked him up to EEG and EKG machines and let him go to sleep. During his sleep, every time he would reach deep sleep, they would ring a loud bell and wake him up. He would then be allowed to go back to sleep until the next bell. They did this all night long. Within 1 day, all of his vitals were way off. His blood sugar was bad, which of course is the pathway to most disease. We are living in a time of high stress, economic fear and fast living. We have loads of caffeine in our world as well as sugars in our foods. We always think that one or two nights of bad sleep won't hurt us. Think again! The best way to get healthy and happy is to sleep well. The best way to do that is to make sure you are taking care of yourself the right way. What I like to do is to have turkey with milk for dinner. Then a few hours later, I take a cup of 1% milk, warm it in the microwave and indulge in my one chocolate pleasure of the day, an Equaline calcium-magnesium chocolate. I eat it with the hot milk and it tastes just like cocoa. It is wonderful. Obviously the cal-mag is not for everyone and you should check with your doc before supplements, but the hot milk, as long as someone isn't allergic, is a great thing. Milk, when heated, produces Tryptophan, the brain chemical that produces Serotonin...the sleep chemical. Lots of people take sleeping pills. I don't like those personally because they all tend to have Diphenhydramine which is like Benadryl and can dry you out. I don't like that feeling. Of course, everyone has their preferences. There are also Melatonin supplements out there. Just be sure to NOT get the natural ones in this situation. Also check with your Doc before taking anything. For kids, I believe that the warm milk (of course not if child has allergies), and taking out the sugars is the best thing. One other thing that I found amazing.....you need to have some good fat to go to sleep. Think like a bear! The worst insomnia I ever had was when I was on a low to no fat diet to try and lose weight. When I added back in the fat, sleep came back. Now this is not an excuse to pig out before bed! Good fat....olive oil, vegetarian fed eggs, a little bit of milk fat, fish oil. 3 of 4 of these are Omega 3 fat. I found an article I read about fat very interesting. It said that 30 years ago when we ate more fat as a society, we had less obesity. Now, we have replaced all the real fat, with the partially hydrogenateds and have more obesity now. Also, a little fat makes you feel full so you don't go grabbing for the munchies which are loaded with the partially hydrogenateds. Good sleep helps you to lose weight, feel good, have good cognitive skills, be happy, be healthy with healthier sugar levels and better productivity. A small amount of good fat can help good sleep which can help you get to the rest of those. I have watched good sleep get rid of 90% of adhd symptoms in my clients. Once good sleep is happening, the rest of it falls into place with my program.

8.) Get away from your computer for a little while! Good advice for me too! Lots of work needs to be done now. More than before. We need to make sure we are interfacing with humans during the day too!
A healthy, happy life is not hard to do by doing the basics!


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

When Time Stood Still




I was in my 3 year old's bedroom the other night looking down at him as he fell asleep. As I stared at his angelic, cherubic face in the dimly lit room, I got the all too familiar rush of feelings. Euphoric, happy, sweet, in love, and sad. Realizing another day of his 3 year old world was coming to a close. Flooded with lots of wonderful memories of his babyhood.

A thought jolted me, and took my breath away. I remembered back to College and Graduate School and to the earlier years of my husband and my relationship. You see, my husband and I met in High School but waited until much later in life to have babies....38. Education and career made it difficult earlier. I thought about how time seemed to stand still during those years. We didn't feel any aging. We didn't see any aging. Of course, having our history so long together kept us very young together. Still does!

The feeling of time going by didn't start to hit until having our first baby, which was one of the 3 greatest moments in my life! I suppose most people would say this is totally normal and everyone goes through it. It just amazed me as I stood there looking at my 3 year old beautiful boy Trace, who I just brought home from the hospital yesterday! Just gave his first bath and just watched him take his first steps.

I have loved every single minute of being a mom, even though time stopped standing still.

It made me think of the people I have seen in my practice and why I push so hard for finding the core of the problem and solving it fast. Kids don't keep and time flies too fast. We need to spend that time loving and in love. That is the big picture! Everything else pales by comparison!

Thanks for reading!

Dr. Sherri




Wednesday, September 8, 2010

De-Ratting the Rat Race


Ok, yes, we've heard it. We've all heard lots about how our kids need to be able to compete and do things better and earlier and faster than people in other countries. This has created years of us pressuring our kids to supposedly keep the edge in front of others. I think we've done exactly the opposite. I have spent 24 years watching kids and families come into my office with pain in their eyes. With pressured fear that their child just isn't making the grade. Isn't doing what the rules say. Isn't marching to the drum beat. Isn't being a good "rat" in the rat race. Many people think I am strange because I think the secret to true wellness for all of us is different than many others do. I think our strength lies in those we love. Our families.

Knowing the cringing that feminists will do when I say this next thing, I will plunge forward anyway......Did you know that all told, we have better than 40 different kinds of taxes in our country. Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago..... And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt...We had the largest middle class in the world..... And Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

I wasn't here 100 years ago and you probably weren't either, but I was 30 years ago and what I remember is mom being with us and not just for "quality time". I also remember no ADHD, no lines at school to get the afternoon pill, no horrific kid on kid beat downs and no news stories about teens shooting up schools. I think the 2 are related. Now I am not suggesting that women get out of the workforce. I just think if we didn't have 43 different taxes, we might be able to either have 1 parent working homes again or less hours to work and more to spend on being with family. The family is the core of our society and it is being degraded.

I look at my children every day and just get amazed over and over again. I think to myself about the rat race and what do I want for them? Do I want them to be able to compete? Sure I do. Do I want them to be smart? Sure I do. But the most important thing I want for them is for them to know that they have family surrounding them. That they feel whole because they know their parents cherish them and love them more than anything. That no homework problem or passing behavior problem is going to shake the foundation of our relationship together. Now, I'm not saying that kids should not have limits. It's what I teach daily at my office. Of course they should. I just think that we need to build their skills the best for them and then drop the rat race!

Being a good, whole, caring human being, is what is important. Not being the best machine you can be. I think this is why I get the results I do in my practice. I don't just teach attention change, behavior change and processing skill building. I teach families how to reconnect at the most basic level. To cherish each other again.

My kids, my family are my greatest gifts! Nothing else comes close.
 
For the articles I write while wearing my Doctor hat, click here for my website

The De-stressing Gift of Dick Van Dyke

A few months ago we had the distinct privledge of having a problem with our cable...yet again! This time we decided to go with the flow and leave it off, opting instead for Netflix (much less expensive-and a great service). What came with that was a trip back in time to the comfortable, happy days of Dick Van Dyke and a nice half hour of laughter before bed each night. A previous borderline insomniac was able to sleep again! Don’t underestimate the health benefits of a good belly laugh! I think our kids might be the only kids of this generation who know who Rob and Laura Petrie are and I am thrilled about that!


Monday, September 6, 2010

Welcome to my blog!

Hello all,

Welcome to my blog! For years I have been helping parents build happy non-medicated families and I am so proud and happy to have been able to be a part of that for so many people. I am a Doc for 24 years, and a mom of 3 for 8 years. I have been told I am really good at re-training attention, behavior and learning skills for kids and adults fast. I do it without meds. I am so glad to have been able to be there for all those families!

Too many kids are on medication these days. Too many Moms and Dads have walked into my office with their child on multiple medications with lots of side effects and no real changes to speak of. My heart hurts when I see that. My heart hurts as much as theirs do. They don't want their kids on the meds, but feel no choice but to do that when the problems have reached a certain level. I am the other choice!

I have 3 children of my own. The 3 human beings in this world who I love more than any words can express. I know that love intimately and I know that all the parents who walk into my office looking for that alternative to medication, to help their child...feel that love acutely as well!

I have watched the pain in their eyes, when they tell me of the hard history their child has had to face, with homework pain, feeling different than all the other kids, hopeless about the future, because the problems have lasted so long and the therapy of the month, wasn't having any more of an effect than the last one or the other ones before them.

I have worked realy hard to make what I do totally different than what anyone else does out there. To be the program that doesn't exist out there. To help parents and families truly change the problems into hope and success. To change the look in their eyes from fear and pain to happiness and confidence!

I am in love with my children (pics above). My goal is to help to re-connect the love for the families who come to see me. The families who are struggling with behavior, homework, attention and learning problems that can derail that loving feeling and create a much different and negative feeling. Parents who tell me that "they love their child, but it is hard to like him right now." All parents understand that feeling. All parents hate that feeling. I change that feeling.

Looking forward to reading your comments and seeing you soon at my Happy Family Center! Will write again soon.

Warmly,

Dr. Sherri